Peter Andre Doesn't Need Sex When He Has Chocolate

Ever since Peter Andre and Katie Price separated, he has taken a vow of celibacy. My guess is that Peter just wants to let his genitals heal after being exposed to toxic levels of fake tanning grease.

Peter says that he doesn't need his nalgas caressed by a gentle hand, because he has chocolate! Peter tells OK! Magazine (via The Sun), "I've replaced it, I've got my chocolate, which the fans keep on bringing me. I'm living on it!"

Does Peter really expect me to believe that a piece of raw sex like him isn't getting his rocks off one way or another? Yeah, I know what Peter's really doing with that chocolate. A little Rolo in his holo. Uh uh. Peter is bringing new meaning to the word "butterfinger." And if you're ever at Peter's house, DO NOT eat the Cadbury Creme Eggs. That is not the kind of creme you want to lick on.